To someone name friend

Assalamualaikum.

it has been a really long time since the last time i wrote. I'm not going to write a veeerrryyy long entry today. I just feel like I need to write something on the blog. i don't really keep a diary...tried but no luck with that.

so.

lets not talk about school or holidays ... i would like to write about friendship. yes. yes it is.

there are so many types of friends in the human world. ones that we are close to..

ones that just a phase in our lives. ones that claimed to be one. and so on. you'll figure it out on your own later.

i have a friend that i would like to write about. we were friends. she was nice. very sweet. very caring. very nice. oh. did i mention that before? very poise at times. clingy at times. she can make me feel like we're best friends for life. make me feel worse even. make me sad and cry. she did make me happy.

those moments really lived up to its names.

then, we had enough of each other. we fought. we keep our silence. and we turn away from each other. i felt wrong and wronged to. i felt sad. i felt somehow betrayed. its very emotional and tense.

                                                

after sometimes, i realized that , why in the world would i let that kind of friend get away? i mean, yeah. she did me wrong. i did her wrong too. why can't i put all that behind and make amends.?
of course syaitan really won. but, at nights i thought over and over again. she was nice. she was there when i need help. she was there all along. she was there . she was.

so, i said to myself. i'm gonna give it another shot. even if she annoys me, i'm gonna close one eye.. i bet she does the same too.

even though, things will probably never be the same as it used to, but, i'll at least have  a person here, a friend whom i knew and hopefully still know. whom i can count on. and i hope she knows that she can count on me too. and forgive me with all her heart even though it could be hard.

and we should all treasure our friends as what they are. because, Allah has made them. they just as beautiful as we are.

thank you W.
                                            

Shit Happens People!

Assalamualaikum bebehs!




"alangkan bunga kembang, pudar warna tanpa siang, bayangkan aku......
Perlukah aku, menyebut setiap nya yang indahku tidak akan ada makna....
bila kau sembunyi dan bermain lari-lari,separuh aku sudah pun mati....."

its deep. haha. jom. kita main lari-lari. main kejar-kejar. of cos lah kau akan dapat kejar aku. aku dah la gemok mokmok. pastu, benci gile nak lari-lari ni. haha.

..............

Scene 1.

Kau cakap semua orang nak jadi pendekar a.k.a pejuang FB ye?... haha.
seriously dude?. aku suka comment kawan kau yang kata benda sama pada kau.
Amacam? Tikam dada kau dalam-dalam, then bury yourself.
Yes. Aku kejam sekarang. Now and ever- khas untuk manusia-manusia seperti kau.




..................

Scene 2.

So, kau mengumpat..? haha. and aku tegur. . . . ? funny.
apa aje yang kau mencanang di FB langsung beza dengan masa kau bersama geng-geng kau yang pandai belaka.
So, kau buat sinis teguran aku yang kata mengumpat itu berdosa?
aku tak TERHINGIN-SANGAP-DYING nak dengar umpatan kau.
tapi, sebab kau dan mereka pilih untuk duduk di meja sebelah meja aku yang tak sampai berapa meter jauhnye.

Agak-agak otak geliga kau, aku dengar or tak?
Fikir sendiri bro!




.....................

Scene 3.

Tahu-tahu aje, kau dah bercakap semula dengan aku.
Tak sempat aku nak ucap kata maaf dengan penuh ayat-ayat cinta yang aku ATUR-SUSUN-TACAP *touch-up.
So, macam mane? apa yang kau rase tak cakap dengan aku dan dengan penuh humble- i guess, kau ucap kata maaf dan tegur aku semula.
Kalau you ever read this, here's my piece.

"i'm sorry if you heard what you've heard. May i ask, where you heard that? from myself or others?
Seriously- CURIOUSLY asking. bukan ape, i need to make sure just so to be clear. Kalau kau dengar dari aku, mulut aku sendiri, aku minta maaf- JUJUR + SINCERE kat kau.
Ape yang kau dengar memang betul. "

and that is it! haha. nak kan penjelasan sila lah. berSABAR. there will be NONE.
Aku sedar aku khilaf dengan Allah, kerana persahabatan kita. Aku tahu salah aku di mana.
Aku doakan yang terbaik untuk kau. For being there mostly when i needed help. Aku akan stay kawan dengan kau, sebab kau baik. aku akan sentiasa caring pasal kau, even though aku tak tunjuk depan mata kau.
* I'm glad it ended.



..................

Scene 4.

And i decided untuk tak rapat lagi dengan kamu-kau. Why?.
Bro, fikirlah! kamu-kau kan manusia bijak pandai.
Bukanlah, aku nak memutuskan ape yang sudah sedia terjalin.
Tapi, aku nak mencari piece of mind, dan aku nak meluangkan masa bersama manusia yang sepatutnya.
Oh, sememang nya aku rindu nak hang-out dengan kamu-kau. Tapi, aku bukan geng kamu yang bijak pandai.
kamu-kau pun bila berkawan dengan aku, jarang sangat nak ajak aku belajar bersama.

haha. kau lagi pentingkan perempuan sambil tabur-tabur janji-janji manis yang hanya semut akan makan. haha.
amacam? best tak aku tak bertegur dengan kamu? Aku bukan perempuan murah yang bersepah kat pasar, yang akan gali lubang untuk cari kamu. So, kalau kamu pun decide untuk tak cari aku, maka kita seri.
Apa yang nak jadi pada kita - kau,aku,kamu dan geng-geng kamu, aku serahkan saja pada ALLAH. Maha segala-galanya.

haha. macam nak sepak je kan? Facepalm la dude~



hahahaha.
MUAahahahHAHA

Okay. aku dah puas! hah. Berani? komen lah. Meh aku balas!

~Feeling : Rahsia Kita Berdua~

Assalamualaikum sayangs. ^__^ v

okay sebelum pape, sile play lagu bawah, and enjoy!

klip ni sekali bersama lirik. just so you know, yang u guys can sing along. yeah? YEAH!

okay lah. sekarang ni,  i'm all smile. (^__________^) lebar x?? haha

i'm sure, very sure, yang we all have this one particular song that we love to listen to like every second of the day.

and we don't really care to push the rewind button or previous button all over again, right??

hahaha.. 

its hard to pick up few sentences that really catches my attention at most. cause all of them do! 

but, 

if i have to. HAVE to, ermmm...

"rahsia kita berdua~~" *mood: shh..shhh gitu... 

and and..

"saya kenal sayang saya" (^__________^) ♥♥♥♥

~mood= feeling feeling in love weee~~~~

are you in love, peeps????
hope you are.



p/s: u don't really need to post everything bout your love life. it came to a point, like barfing. u know.? do u? u do. 

How to dig you, huh?

Assalamualaikum all.

How? how? 

Okay recently, I got a jersey from a friend. Well, I requested, because it's like uh-maezinggg!!! 

yellow, and amazingggg! hahaha...

then i realise, its Arsenal's . so, i'm like......

.................................

huh? i literally only follow malaysian football coz its inspiring at 1st.

now, i can't wear the jersey unless i know sumtin' out of everythin'...

get me???

so........so, i watched only clips from a match of theirs'.

Arsenal vs Man City.
wahahahaha~!!!!

..........................

*man u ni bkn hebat ke??? adoiii...msti kne blasah truk ni.... =.="

saksikan dari link ni:

http://theworldgame.sbs.com.au/match/report/189819/Arsenal-vs-Manchester-City

AHAH! AHAH! mereka MENANG laaaarrr...

check this out :



mike arteta. the  scorer.

 ini pulak sample jersey i k.... i love yellow!!

..........................

so,

there's a lot more to learn bout this team. 

still browsing thru their webpage..... hehehe

*susah bnor nak cari line streaming free. =,=""

anyway, congrats to Arsenal.

nota kaki, ini adalah 2nd post, the correction post. huhu... tata!

Bercinta lah dengan aku yang aku, bukan dia.

Assalamualaikum from me to you.

Hati ini sedih. Sangat. Celaru. Mood minggu ni or last week, adalah melayan emosi dan perasaan. Why? Persoalan yang malu untuk aku mengaku. 

*tergelak sinis

Aku ada terbaca post beberapa orang this past weeks. Malu. 

Seoarang bakal ibu yang tidak sempurna menantikan kelahiran bakal anak ke bumi-menerima cacian ramai, seorang tunangan orang yang hendak sempurna kan diri, meluahkan isi hati kepada tunang yang bakal menjadi imam nya, seorang kakak yang kecewa dengan sikap adiknya yang tidak pernah serik dan banyak lagi.

................

Sunyi. Selalunya aku mempunyai tempat untuk mengadu, di mana situasi nya selalu aku meluahkan , kadang-kadang mendengar sahaja. Kerana, hanya mendengar suaraku, sudah cukup diketahui kesedihan di dadaku, lalu nasihat diberi tanpa perlu aku berkata-kata, sambil ditemani air penyejuk hati.

.............

Dewasa? Apakah itu? Matang? Selalu menjadi permintaan. 

*termenung

Apakah aku perlu menunjukkan segala-galanya, luar dan dalam aku juga kepada ramai? Perlukah aku menjadi orang yang serius dalam setiap kata dan laku ku, sedangkan dalam pemikiranku, sudah terlampau penat aku menjadi dewasa? Bukan aku menolak idea matang atau dewasa itu. Aku juga mahukan ramai sekelilingku berfikir dan bertindak dengan matang a.k.a tidak lagi kebudak-budakan. 

....................

Tapi, dunia tidak akan cantik lagi, seperti mana aku mengenalinya. Aku mahu laku seperti budak-budak, aku mahu keluarkan kata-kata yang bernas. Namun, tiap kali, dua ini tidak berjalan seiringan. Tiap kali, teman ku inginkan nasihat dari ku, akan ku berikan sepatah kata yang cukup bernas rasaku, namun ku selingkan dengan tawaku atau lenggok tubuh ku yang tidak menggambarkan sebenar pesanku. 

..............

Seringkali juga diri ku yang sudah menginjak usia, dilayan seperti adik-adik kecil. Adakah aku kecil hati? Tidak. Aku suka begitu. Namun, tipu. Jika kena pada tempat, orang dan waktu nya, aku suka begitu. Namun, jika orang, waktu dan tempatnya tidak kena, aku memberontak.

..................

Biarlah. Usah dilayan. Mereka begitu kerana belum cukup mengenali aku. Aku juga tidak mahu mereka begitu mengenali ku. I'm saving myself for me.

*Kecewa.

Aku rasa, secara bodohnya kerana seorang lelaki. Atau. Dua orang kah? 

*ketawa sinis.

Ye, aku suka kan dia. Perlu kah aku mengaku? Tidak. Aku lagi gentarkan rejection, dan termusnahnya talian sahabat kami. Aku rindukan dia. Tapi, aku takutkan dosa itu. Aku lupa caranya. Aku marahkan diri. Adakah aku LUPA matlamat aku, impian aku yang dia hancurkan dulu, angan-angan yang aku simpankan  hingga sekarang? Ketika aku menangis hiba, ketika aku LUPA arah. 

Dan, aku masih lagi mahu begini. 

........................

Mungkin, aku perlu untuk besar. Keluar dari dinding pagar aku dan laku seperti dewasa. Mungkin perlu untuk aku simpankan manja ku, manis ku, hanya untuk mereka yang aku percaya. Tidak lagi menerima sebarangan manusia dalam hidup aku. Mungkin sudah tiba masa aku menjadi AKU, in and out.

.........................

Baik lah. Mulai saat ini. 

......................

Tidak. Aku masih aku. Who am i kidding?

Ini lah apa yang aku rasakan sekarang. Sambil mendengar lagu Tattoo.  

:: So what? ::

If they lied, 

If they cheat,

If they cried, 

If they weep.

If they smile,

and they laugh,

If they look

and they glance.

If they curse,

and they joke.

If they speak,

If they sing,

If they throw,

If they swing.

If they utter words

and they keep silly acts.

If they keep silence, 

and make major gestures.

So what?

I'm hurt,

and it will not last.

I'm heart broken

and I will rise up.

I'm  crushed,

and it will not change me.

So what?

I'm not alone and will never be.

Leave me, 

and I'll survive.

So what?

:: My 1st dinner with them ::

Assalamualaikum sayangs. 

Yesterday, on 31st of March 2012, my college held an event named Malam Permata Gemilang. Purpose of this dinner *mmg wajib every year* is to show *lebih best, nk bg hadiah* to excellent student, fellows, assistant fellows, and some lucky sister or brother that attended the dinner. 

The thing about attending this dinner is that because of, I never did attend any dinner while I was in UTM KL. So, I really want to go. *sbnrnye, nak cantek2 je. ^___^ v.

Last night was fun. Well, if referring to the dinner itself, hmm, the shows- yes, never knew k10 has got  some talents. *penggabungan kolej laki n pompuan.ho yeah!  mmg cuci mata last night. peace!*

*melepaskan nafas yg xberapa nk pjg, demam punye pasal*

For this whole week has been a very tiring one. 1st time i had tests all week long. directly. *org melayu ckp, bturut2.*

All hardcore subjects. class in the morning, test in the night time. I commuted to and from k9 to kp, packed my stuff and went to kp to do a group study. Such a benefit of group studying when time is limited. *suke3!*

Okay okay. lets get into details of last night. 

jajanggg! 

My table is placed at the back. Like seriously just after the entrance. *tp meja kami kelilingnye boys. ^__^ *

4 girls and 6 boys. Now only i know that the guy is totally drown. haha..he is crazy!! cool cool. Meet and greet new friend, Qilah. She is crazy too! Definitely crazy table. When the event just about to begin, the guys are already eating. And just after the food arrived, *senduk dulu nasi n lauk kt pinggan * and they up and running to get refills. haha... *kuat lantak!*

It was fun. I have a great time. > it was nice seeing him wearing it. but.........he took my phone. and..... its my wallpaper. i wonder what he thinks...arrghh! < 

We left early. Next pit-stop is suara ok. * see, batok2 pon boleh karok lagi.! kuat semangat ! hee~*

When we arrived there, the guys already changed clothes. We the girls still in the dinner mode. still in our dresses, beautifully. =) . 2hours of karaoke, then we went to the McD just behind the university. Them guys went back. *1st time mereka xbgtau pape n just left after karok session - xsuke. xsopan langsung. *

Around 4 we left the fast food chain, and went to room sweet room. Me? online and chatted with new friend and dishing out gossip. ^_^ v. Got to bed at 6 , up and running at 10am. And dishing out here in my comfort zone. 

Please don't puke at my cam-whore session below. wahaha... im a girl. girls love taking photos. so what.?

Fathers in the world~

Assalamualaikum, and hi!

obviously i got the article copied n paste here from FB. i was reading n wondering at the same time. would it , just a little bit, be the same as what was told. if, just if, he was still alive. what i n my sisters and brother would turned out to be, now? and sadly posting this here so that whenever i open my blog, i can still read them, over n over again. 

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

APA YANG ANDA TAK TAHU TENTANG SEORANG AYAH

Mungkin ibu lebih kerap menelefon utk menanyakan keadaan kita setiap hari..Tapi tahukah kita, sebenarnya ayahlah yang mengingatkan ibu untuk menelefon kita?

Semasa kecil, ibu lah yg lebih sering mendukung kita..Tapi tahukah kita bahawa sebaik saja ayah pulang bekerja dengan wajah yang letih ayahlah selalu menanyakan apa yg kita lakukan seharian

Saat kita sakit@demam, ayah sering membentak "sudah diberitahu! jangan minum ais!".Tapi tahukah kamu bahawa ayah sangat risau.??

Ketika kita remaja, kita meminta izin untk keluar malam. Ayah dengan tegas berkata "tidak boleh!"..Sedarkah kita bahawa ayah hanya ingin menjaga kita? Kerana bagi ayah, kita adalah sesuatu yang sangat berharga.

Saat kita sudah di percayai, ayah pun melonggarkan peraturannya. Maka kita telah melanggar kepercayaannya...Maka ayah lah yang setia menunggu kita di ruang tamu dengan rasa sangat risau..

Setelah kita dewasa,ayah telah menghantar kita ke sekolah@kolej untuk belajar..
Di saat kita memerlukan ini-itu, untuk keperluan kuliah kita, ayah hanya mengerutkan dahi.tanpa menolak, beliau memenuhinya..Saat kamu berjaya..Ayah adalah orang pertama yang berdiri dan bertepuk tangan untukmu..Ayah akan tersenyum dengan bangga..

Sampai ketika jodoh kita telah datang dan meminta izin untuk mengambil kita dari ayah..Ayah sangat berhati-hati mengizinkan nya..Dan akhirnya..Saat ayah melihat kita duduk di atas plamin bersama pasangan nya..ayah pun tersenyum bahagia..

Apa kita tahu,bahawa ayah sempat pergi ke belakang dan menangis?

Ayah menangis kerana ayah sangat bahagia..Dan dia pun berdoa "Ya Tuhan, tugasku telah selesai dgn baik..Bahagiakan lah putra putri kecilku yg manis bersama pasangannya"..

Setelah itu ayah hanya akan menunggu kedatangan kita bersama cucu-cucunya yg sesekali dtg untuk menjenguk..Dengan rambut yg memutih dan badan yang tak lagi kuat untuk menjaga kita.

'Sorry seems to be the hardest word' - Blue n Elton John

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

What I got to do to make you love me?

What I got to do to make you care?

What do I do when lightning strikes me?

And I wake to find that you're not there?

What I got to do to make you want me?

What I got to do to be heard?

What do I say when its all over? (babe)

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad

It's a sad, sad situation

And it's getting more and more absurd

It's so sad so sad

Why can't we talk it over?

Oh it seems to me

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

What I do to make you want me?

What I got to do to be heard?

What do I say when it's all over?

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

(Elton John)

It's sad, so sad

It's a sad sad situation

And it's gotten more and more absurd

It's sad, so sad

Why can't we talk it over?

Oh it seems to me 

Sorry seems to be the hardest word

Yeh.....sorry

Nah.......

Sorry

What do I do to make you love me?

What I got to do to be heard?

What do I do when lightning strikes me?

Yeah.....What do I got to do?

What do I got to do?

When sorry seems to be the hardest word 

Sometimes I think that sorry is the best way to tell a person, that i'm sorry. sorry for what I've done, what I've said that in any possible way that i may hurt that person's feelings or even pride.

sometimes i believe that sorry can cool a person off, can make a relationship better, can make a stranger smile. 

a person told me once, that there is no point of saying the word if you are not sincerely honest with it. a sorry should come with the feeling of sorry from the person saying so - as she quoted- 

since then, i found its hard to say sorry as easily as i would always use to. some people may just disregard everything and make accusations of me. thou, it didn't bother me. 

I've been in relationships that involves a lot of misunderstanding, pointless  argument led no where, silly acts that really hurts, spoken words that made me cried.

But it was never one sided. I knew I too took part in those processes. 

always human being judge a situation from own point of view. always human say sorry when they know they're in the wrong place. always.

it's not wrong. i'm in no place to say such thing. 

But,

since, I've been able to argue, find firm facts, and admit loss in any. i said sorry too. in such situation, i knew during the process, emotions are involved. i knew that i hurt in any way the others' feeling. i admit my loss, i said sorry. 

i acted out, made irrational demands and it tires people around me. do i say sorry? yes. in such situation. 

but, 

I would not tolerate an ongoing sorry, a pointless sorry,  a cynical sorry and a sorry act. I tried. but i just can't. 

its never wrong to say sorry thou. even if it fills up above criterion. and in such case, other would expect me to return a sorry. will i? depends.

4th - untitled

 The night is breezy,

Like the oceans would be,

It is quiet, even for me.

The talks I hear slowly fades,

A light shines up,

And I see your face.

It's empty as an empty can would be,

It's foggy, and as thick as it is.

Too careful to take a step in,

Nor wish to return back.

If only it is clearer.

Would stay and make it better.